perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
