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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
