Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
