last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week