Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.