Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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