I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
