Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
