Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT

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(917): View more from New York City

It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall

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(817): View more from Texas

He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night

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(858): View more from California

I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(720): View more from Colorado

Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.

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(979): View more from Texas

She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.

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(217): View more from Illinois

you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring

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