i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
where are you?
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Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible