I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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