she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
