I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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