did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
FUCK WHALES
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
