I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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