Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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