Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
