Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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