there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
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Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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