Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
