consequently i now know what mace tastes like
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
All I want is dick and wine.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
