did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
