It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize