Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
