if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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