Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
