so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
