you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
