I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
