I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
