M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
