Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
