You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
