dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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