Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
