I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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