"it" just moved
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just blew my weed a kiss
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
