To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
