He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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