So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
