I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
