she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
