We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
