I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
