i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
