I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
