Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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