Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Farmville is her only friend.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
