Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
