Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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