I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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