i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
