It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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