They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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