remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
