I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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