I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
