O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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