Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
