Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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