and you said cock pushups were impossible
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
