Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
