so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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