Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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