I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
