it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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