Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
