some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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