dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
