I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
