How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
