I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
