Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
