Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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