I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
