chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
