I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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