Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
