You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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