So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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