I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
