It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
