Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
