I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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