Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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